We're hiring
We need extraction specialists, dark pattern designers, and professional rationalizers. Salary bands are listed, which we are told is unusual.
At EnshitifAi, we move fast and break things (specifically, customer trust). We're a family here*—which means we'll guilt you into working weekends and underpay you because "we're all in this together."
*Not an actual family. No familial legal protections apply.
01 / Compensation
01
We pay market rate, which we helped define by suppressing wages industry-wide.
02
*Unlimited as long as your work gets done, which it won't, so you'll never take any.
03
After a 90-day waiting period, 6-month enrollment window, and $8,000 deductible.
04
Shares in a company that profits from human misery. Vest over 4 years with a 1-year cliff.
05
Shrinkflated snacks from our partners. Great for testing product degradation firsthand.
06
$50/month for therapy. You'll need it.
02 / Open Positions
01
UX Extraction · Remote (Cayman Islands HQ) · Full-time
$180,000 - $250,000
Design interfaces that guide users toward profitable decisions they didn't know they wanted to make.
Requirements
02
AI & Analytics · Remote · Full-time
$200,000 - $300,000
Build ML models that predict exactly how much degradation customers will tolerate before churning.
Requirements
03
Revenue Optimization · San Francisco, CA · Full-time
$160,000 - $220,000
Convert one-time purchases into eternal revenue streams through creative subscription architecture.
Requirements
04
Customer Persistence · Remote · Full-time
$90,000 - $130,000
Prevent customers from leaving through strategic offers, guilt, and labyrinthine phone trees.
Requirements
05
Package Optimization · Remote · Full-time
$120,000 - $160,000
Identify opportunities to reduce product/service quantity while maintaining or increasing prices.
Requirements
06
Executive · Cayman Islands · Full-time
$400,000 - $600,000 + equity
Help leadership sleep at night by explaining why extraction is good for everyone, including the people it happens to.
Requirements
07
Various · Remote · Internship
Experience™ + LinkedIn Recommendation
Learn customer value extraction from people who will not remember your name. Great for building your portfolio of morally questionable work.
Requirements
03 / Process
01
Submit your resume into our ATS void. We'll ghost you for 3-6 months.
02
30-minute call with a recruiter who hasn't read your resume.
03
40-hour 'small project' to 'see how you think.' We may use it in production.
04
6 hours of interviews where everyone asks the same questions.
We're chronically short of extractors. Send us your resume and we'll keep it on file (by which we mean delete it immediately).
DISCLAIMER: These are not real job postings. EnshitifAi is a satirical website. Please do not actually apply. If you did apply, we admire your commitment to the bit.