Our Services
Comprehensive solutions to help you extract maximum value from your customer base. All packages include complimentary ethics rationalization.
Note: All prices are starting points. Like our partners, we believe in dynamic pricing based on what you can afford.
Subscription Trap Architecture
$75,000/engagement
Transform one-time purchases into eternal revenue streams. Why let customers own something when they can rent it forever?
- ✓Convert owned features to subscription model
- ✓Implement price-lock periods with hidden early termination fees
- ✓Design 'freemium' tiers that are barely functional
- ✓Create upgrade paths that feel mandatory
- ✓Annual price increase framework (blame inflation)
Dark Pattern Design System
$100,000/engagement
UX that makes the profitable choice feel like the only choice. Ethically questionable, financially optimal.
- ✓Confirmshaming copy templates ('No, I don't want to save money')
- ✓Hidden unsubscribe flows (minimum 7 clicks)
- ✓Pre-checked consent boxes for data harvesting
- ✓Countdown timers that reset (urgency without truth)
- ✓Bait-and-switch pricing displays
Strategic Service Degradation
$50,000/engagement
Carefully reduce free tier quality to nudge users toward paid options without causing mass exodus.
- ✓Feature sunset roadmap planning
- ✓Artificial limitation implementation
- ✓Ad load optimization (maximize without breaking)
- ✓Support response time stretching
- ✓Quality reduction that seems like 'optimization'
Cancellation Labyrinth Engineering
$80,000/engagement
Transform a 1-click signup into a 47-step odyssey of guilt, confusion, and eventual surrender.
- ✓Multi-page cancellation flows
- ✓Retention offer interruption sequences
- ✓Phone-only cancellation requirements
- ✓Cooling off period manipulation
- ✓Win-back email harassment campaigns
Fee Structure Optimization
$60,000/engagement
Hidden fees, convenience fees, service fees, processing fees. The price tag is just the beginning.
- ✓Junk fee implementation strategy
- ✓Resort fee / Destination fee modeling
- ✓Payment processing fee pass-through
- ✓Surge pricing algorithm development
- ✓Dynamic pricing that always trends up
Shrinkflation Consulting
$45,000/engagement
Same price, less product. Smaller packages, shorter subscriptions, reduced features. The invisible price increase.
- ✓Package size reduction planning
- ✓Feature set trimming strategy
- ✓Quality ingredient substitution
- ✓Serving size manipulation
- ✓Container redesign (looks the same, holds less)
AI-Powered Extraction
$150,000/engagement
Machine learning models trained to find extraction opportunities humans would miss. The algorithm doesn't feel guilt.
- ✓Personalized pricing (charge what they'll pay)
- ✓Churn prediction for preemptive extraction
- ✓Sentiment analysis to time fee increases
- ✓Automated dark pattern A/B testing
- ✓Customer lifetime value maximization AI
Data Monetization Strategy
$90,000/engagement
Your users' data is an asset. Privacy policies are suggestions. GDPR is more of a vibe than a law.
- ✓Third-party data sharing partnerships
- ✓Consent flow obfuscation
- ✓Data broker marketplace entry
- ✓Tracking pixel implementation
- ✓Cross-platform user profiling
Platform Lock-in Engineering
$120,000/engagement
Make leaving so painful that staying feels like the only option. Proprietary formats, ecosystem traps, the works.
- ✓Proprietary file format development
- ✓Export limitation implementation
- ✓Ecosystem dependency creation
- ✓Switching cost maximization
- ✓Integration exclusivity deals
Enterprise Solutions
For companies serious about large-scale value extraction, we offer custom enterprise packages starting at $500,000.
Includes dedicated extraction strategist, quarterly extraction reports, and a complimentary "We're Actually Helping Customers" PR kit.
Contact Sales💼Frequently Asked Questions
Is this legal?
Our lawyers say 'technically yes' which is the best kind of yes. We operate in the gray areas between 'illegal' and 'will definitely be illegal someday.'
What about customer backlash?
We've found that customers complain but rarely leave. Where else are they going to go? That's the beauty of market consolidation.
Do you offer refunds?
Ha! No. But we can teach you how to not offer refunds too. That's actually one of our most popular services.
How do you measure success?
Shareholder value, quarterly revenue growth, and executive bonus targets. Customer satisfaction is not a KPI we track.
What industries do you work with?
All of them. Enshittification is industry-agnostic. If you have customers, we can help you extract more value from them.