Our Services
Comprehensive solutions to help you extract maximum value from your customer base. All packages include complimentary ethics rationalization.
Note: All prices are starting points. Like our partners, we believe in dynamic pricing based on what you can afford.
Tier I
Foundational Practice Areas
What most clients engage us for. These are the canonical enshittification services — the public-discourse categories the Doctorow essay covered, rendered as a delivery menu. Entry-tier. Repeatable. Well-scoped.
Subscription Trap Architecture
$75,000/engagement
Transform one-time purchases into eternal revenue streams. Why let customers own something when they can rent it forever?
- ✓Convert owned features to subscription model
- ✓Implement price-lock periods with hidden early termination fees
- ✓Design 'freemium' tiers that are barely functional
- ✓Create upgrade paths that feel mandatory
- ✓Annual price increase framework (blame inflation)
Dark Pattern Design System
$100,000/engagement
UX that makes the profitable choice feel like the only choice. Ethically questionable, financially optimal.
- ✓Confirmshaming copy templates ('No, I don't want to save money')
- ✓Hidden unsubscribe flows (minimum 7 clicks)
- ✓Pre-checked consent boxes for data harvesting
- ✓Countdown timers that reset (urgency without truth)
- ✓Bait-and-switch pricing displays
Strategic Service Degradation
$50,000/engagement
Carefully reduce free tier quality to nudge users toward paid options without causing mass exodus.
- ✓Feature sunset roadmap planning
- ✓Artificial limitation implementation
- ✓Ad load optimization (maximize without breaking)
- ✓Support response time stretching
- ✓Quality reduction that seems like 'optimization'
Cancellation Labyrinth Engineering
$80,000/engagement
Transform a 1-click signup into a 47-step odyssey of guilt, confusion, and eventual surrender.
- ✓Multi-page cancellation flows
- ✓Retention offer interruption sequences
- ✓Phone-only cancellation requirements
- ✓Cooling off period manipulation
- ✓Win-back email harassment campaigns
Fee Structure Optimization
$60,000/engagement
Hidden fees, convenience fees, service fees, processing fees. The price tag is just the beginning.
- ✓Junk fee implementation strategy
- ✓Resort fee / Destination fee modeling
- ✓Payment processing fee pass-through
- ✓Surge pricing algorithm development
- ✓Dynamic pricing that always trends up
Shrinkflation Consulting
$45,000/engagement
Same price, less product. Smaller packages, shorter subscriptions, reduced features. The invisible price increase.
- ✓Package size reduction planning
- ✓Feature set trimming strategy
- ✓Quality ingredient substitution
- ✓Serving size manipulation
- ✓Container redesign (looks the same, holds less)
AI-Powered Extraction
$150,000/engagement
Machine learning models trained to find extraction opportunities humans would miss. The algorithm doesn't feel guilt.
- ✓Personalized pricing (charge what they'll pay)
- ✓Churn prediction for preemptive extraction
- ✓Sentiment analysis to time fee increases
- ✓Automated dark pattern A/B testing
- ✓Customer lifetime value maximization AI
Data Monetization Strategy
$90,000/engagement
Your users' data is an asset. Privacy policies are suggestions. GDPR is more of a vibe than a law.
- ✓Third-party data sharing partnerships
- ✓Consent flow obfuscation
- ✓Data broker marketplace entry
- ✓Tracking pixel implementation
- ✓Cross-platform user profiling
Platform Lock-in Engineering
$120,000/engagement
Make leaving so painful that staying feels like the only option. Proprietary formats, ecosystem traps, the works.
- ✓Proprietary file format development
- ✓Export limitation implementation
- ✓Ecosystem dependency creation
- ✓Switching cost maximization
- ✓Integration exclusivity deals
Tier II
Advanced Practice Areas
Retained by partners who have already stabilized their foundational extraction and are prepared to operate at the frontier of what can be done without yet being meaningfully prohibited. Engagement requires a completed Value Extraction Audit and, in most cases, a standing retainer with our General Counsel.
Phenomenological Channel Engineering
$225,000/engagement
We re-engineer the geometry of the customer encounter so that friction, latency, and dignity loss arrive before the customer realizes they have been rerouted. Not the price. Not the product. The walk from the door to the counter.
- ✓Two-tier kitchen / floorplan architecture (app queue invisible to walk-ins)
- ✓Drive-thru lanes reserved for mobile pickup only
- ✓'Digital Only' menu items that cannot be ordered in person
- ✓Phone-anchored physical retail redesign
- ✓Loss-tolerance modeling for the alienated walk-in base
Anchor: Chipotle Digital Makeline and Chipotlane rollout (2021-present)
InquireResolution Services
$400,000/engagement
Our post-acquisition methodology. We take a beloved brand with a loyal installed base and resolve it — staff, infrastructure, pricing — onto a shared operating substrate within 60 to 180 days. The brand continues. The company that made it does not.
- ✓60-180 day post-close resolution window
- ✓Workforce resolution at the acquirer's target rate (typical 50-100%)
- ✓Shared-runtime migration for the acquired product
- ✓Subscription price reset reflecting true cost of captivity
- ✓Executive bench replacement with playbook-trained managers
Anchor: Bending Spoons / Vimeo, 61 days close-to-resolution (Nov 2025 – Jan 2026)
InquireDiscount Schedule Decommissioning
$300,000/engagement
A price increase is a headline. A discount tier that quietly ceases to exist is a rounding error in a procurement spreadsheet. We specialize in extraction without headline.
- ✓Volume-discount tier restructuring
- ✓Silent renewal-invoice price resets (typical 6-12%)
- ✓Procurement portal schedule updates
- ✓Zero-press-release change deployment
- ✓Renewal-window timing optimization
Anchor: Microsoft Enterprise Agreement tier collapse, February 2026
InquireAnnouncement Choreography
$175,000/engagement
The craft of delivery. When the news is layoffs, price hikes, TOS rewrites, or guarantee erosions, the hour of the send, the channel, the subject line, and the absence of a human signatory are each independently tunable variables. We tune them.
- ✓Delivery-hour optimization (pre-workday send windows)
- ✓Single-message format for high-address-count lists
- ✓Friday-afternoon news-cycle suppression
- ✓Internal-channel suppression, external-channel diffusion
- ✓Executive-time-spent minimization modeling
Anchor: Oracle Q4 2025 mass-termination email, 6:00 a.m. delivery
InquireIllegibility Assurance
$500,000/engagement
Our flagship governance practice. We ensure that what your contracts, data flows, and operational footprint actually do remains outside the comprehension of journalists, regulators, and — ideally — your own mid-level employees. Legibility is the enemy. Illegibility is the product.
- ✓Engagement-letter work-product privilege structuring
- ✓Contract-philosophy decoupling (the work stays signable)
- ✓Mid-level employee narrative management
- ✓External-facing surface audit for journalist comprehension
- ✓Legibility-incident contingency planning and minimum-viable-denial
Anchor: advisory correspondence with a two-hundred-billion-dollar defense-adjacent software company
InquireCounterculture Conversion
$250,000/engagement
Identification, platforming, and transactional capture of markets that defined themselves as opt-outs from mainstream commerce. We locate the cultural refuge, build the rails underneath it, and collect the toll the community did not know it had agreed to pay.
- ✓Opt-out-culture identification and thesis drafting
- ✓POS / commerce-rail platform installation
- ✓Proprietary payment-processor tying
- ✓Community-forum sentiment management
- ✓Identity-as-infrastructure conversion
Anchor: Dutchie cannabis commerce platform, 4/20 case study
InquireRecursive Tiering
$150,000/engagement
A speed, access, or quality ladder defined such that every rung becomes standard within 18 months and the premium rung re-floats above it. What you paid extra for last year is now baseline; what was baseline is now degraded.
- ✓Tier-ladder architecture design
- ✓18-month rung-retirement scheduling
- ✓Baseline degradation engineering
- ✓Upgrade-option checkout copy
- ✓Recursive floor definition (the rung below is, by definition, worse)
Anchor: UPS expedited-shipping checkout upgrade, $14 for one calendar day
InquireCapex Displacement
$200,000/engagement
The systematic relocation of infrastructure costs from the corporate balance sheet onto the customer's personal hardware, data plan, cognitive load, and unpaid labor. The pedestal scanner does not disappear. It migrates into the customer's pocket, and the customer thanks us for the app.
- ✓In-store infrastructure audit (what the customer could do themselves)
- ✓App-based replacement rollout planning
- ✓Signage continuity (the same helpful-looking signage, pointing elsewhere)
- ✓Account-capture funnel for replacement-driven installs
- ✓Capex-to-customer-capex migration modeling
Anchor: Walmart pedestal-scanner removal (2023-2025)
InquireRegulatory Latency Arbitrage
Consultation Basis
Every enforcement regime operates on a clock — investigation cycles, election cycles, rulemaking cycles, attention cycles. The window between the introduction of an extractive practice and the arrival of a regulatory response is, on average, 36 to 84 months. That window is a monetizable asset.
- ✓Present-value extraction modeling against expected-fine NPV
- ✓Attention half-life forecasting (per-jurisdiction, per-practice)
- ✓Enforcement-clock mapping across FTC, state AGs, EU, UK, and state DFPI
- ✓Cost-of-doing-business portfolio construction
- ✓Co-led with our General Counsel & Chief Risk Officer, Lester Horowitz-Belmont, Esq.
Anchor: internal practice. Engagement subject to conflict review.
InquireAdvanced Practice Areas are organized, internally, under three governing doctrines — Cost Reassignment, Non-Event Engineering, and the Doctrine of Illegibility. Mapping an engagement to the correct doctrine is the first deliverable of our intake process. The doctrines are not listed on the public services page because doing so would be, in our view, a legibility incident.
Enterprise Solutions
For companies serious about large-scale value extraction, we offer custom enterprise packages starting at $500,000.
Includes dedicated extraction strategist, quarterly extraction reports, and a complimentary "We're Actually Helping Customers" PR kit.
Contact Sales💼Frequently Asked Questions
Is this legal?
Our lawyers say 'technically yes' which is the best kind of yes. We operate in the gray areas between 'illegal' and 'will definitely be illegal someday.'
What about customer backlash?
We've found that customers complain but rarely leave. Where else are they going to go? That's the beauty of market consolidation.
Do you offer refunds?
Ha! No. But we can teach you how to not offer refunds too. That's actually one of our most popular services.
How do you measure success?
Shareholder value, quarterly revenue growth, and executive bonus targets. Customer satisfaction is not a KPI we track.
What industries do you work with?
All of them. Enshittification is industry-agnostic. If you have customers, we can help you extract more value from them.
What is the difference between a Foundational and an Advanced engagement?
Foundational engagements address extraction moves the public has already named and understood. Advanced engagements address extraction moves the public has not yet named. We are typically ahead of the naming by 18 to 36 months. The pricing reflects the lead time.
Will you work with our General Counsel?
We prefer to work with ours. Advanced engagements, in particular, are typically scoped in coordination with Lester Horowitz-Belmont, Esq., who specializes in what he calls 'defensible adjacency.' Your counsel is welcome to observe.