Composite valuation
Aggregate spot price across 312 broker partners. Pre-auction.
Methodology pending Q-close reconciliation. Wholesale; retail uplift not included.
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Geo trail
Sold 14 times this week. Top buyers: 2 retail chains, 1 health insurer, 1 hedge fund.
Resold under the de-identified bucket per industry self-certification. Re-identification rate ≤ 96%.
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Attention extraction
You've personally produced $327 of ad inventory this month.
CPM varies by inferred mood. Anxious cohorts command a 3.1× premium.
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Training corpus
Estimated lifetime: $89. Currently included in 1,400+ production models.
Includes images deleted from your camera roll. Cached at ingestion; copies retained per partner contracts.
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Acoustic donations
You've donated 1,847 hours to assistant training. Thank you for your service.
Includes ambient capture during wake-word false positives, which are no longer classified as false positives.
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Inferred emotional state
Detected from streaming patterns. Sold to therapy app advertisers within 36 hours.
Per Brand & Tone: do not use the word 'heartbreak' in client decks. Preferred: 'high-intent affective signal.'
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Circadian inventory
Sold to mattress brands, supplement brands, and one insurance underwriter.
Insomnia nights priced at a 2.4× premium. We thank you for them.
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Sentiment derivative
Inferred from typing cadence, emoji entropy, and reaction latency. No message content read.
Content is not read in any sense that would survive litigation discovery. Metadata, however, sings.
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Existential cohort
Highest-CPM cohort we operate. Top categories withheld pending an internal review.
Cohort name 'existential dread' has been formally retired per the Brand & Tone Working Group (3–2 vote).
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Biometric stream
Sold to insurance underwriters. Walk more for a discount on premiums you'll never see.
Sedentary days are flagged but not yet monetized. A Q3 working group is exploring options.
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Composite lifetime estimate
Every number here is real industry math, dressed up for a vibe. We made a website so it doesn't feel as dark as it is.
See who's buying→Satire. The numbers approximate real data-broker, ad-tech, and biometric-licensing benchmarks. Methodology pending Q-close reconciliation.